make it
one way or the other
do you really want to be happy?
it is a choice
it is a path
you decide
to be happy
that's what we all want right?
but how to put it?
is it being content
or is it acquiescence?
or is it ignorance?
I refuse to be happy
to be happy means you have settled
for what you have now
and will always have
I refuse to settle
I expect greatness
and thus I will never be happy
but it is the price I will pay
for what I really want
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Siren's claw
like a cat in heat,
pretending to kiss you
gives me butterflies
I'm used to wanting what I can't have
but you, my dear
you especially should tread with care
along this path considering
you already have a companion chained to you
I may be untethered
but that does not give you a pardon
do not blame me
label me as a temptress
you can think beyond lust
just as well as I can
the difference is, my love,
you are branded and should think of that
above all
it is all written out
my cards are on the table
I still want you
beckon you to journey my way
with Siren's claw
but make no mistake
your ship will crash will sink
shall you attempt to claim me
with her on board
pretending to kiss you
gives me butterflies
I'm used to wanting what I can't have
but you, my dear
you especially should tread with care
along this path considering
you already have a companion chained to you
I may be untethered
but that does not give you a pardon
do not blame me
label me as a temptress
you can think beyond lust
just as well as I can
the difference is, my love,
you are branded and should think of that
above all
it is all written out
my cards are on the table
I still want you
beckon you to journey my way
with Siren's claw
but make no mistake
your ship will crash will sink
shall you attempt to claim me
with her on board
Friday, September 10, 2010
I could have been something
Oh so average
so boring
and I've strived for so much more
yet I've fallen
from the curve
and for you
I always wanted to be different
I mean
mothers tell you you're special
but usually
for most
for the average
it's a lie
those who are truly different...
that's what I wanted
but alas
I've blended in
taken on neutral tones
a beige of heartache and dissappointment
it was supposed to be different
didn't you know this?
it was supposed to be great, special!
one for the record books
but it's not
this has happened a million times before
to a million average girls before
and it appears I have been dragged down
sucked in
drowned
by the average
but you knew, didn't you?
that I had aspirations
of greatness
with your arm around fate
I was taught a lesson
that I'm really not different
just one of the masses
consoling one another
with their empathy
and the same story told by
a different mouth
no great love for me, no
that must have been a pipe dream
a girlish idealism instilled by
Disney
"oh silly girl" you told me
accept it
you're no different
I don't love you
and we will never sit on that hill
to watch the sunset
I know now
that I am the same
my mom lied
I am not special
then why can I not accept?
why do I still want you sitting with me
on that hill?
Is my resilliance not that special?
so boring
and I've strived for so much more
yet I've fallen
from the curve
and for you
I always wanted to be different
I mean
mothers tell you you're special
but usually
for most
for the average
it's a lie
those who are truly different...
that's what I wanted
but alas
I've blended in
taken on neutral tones
a beige of heartache and dissappointment
it was supposed to be different
didn't you know this?
it was supposed to be great, special!
one for the record books
but it's not
this has happened a million times before
to a million average girls before
and it appears I have been dragged down
sucked in
drowned
by the average
but you knew, didn't you?
that I had aspirations
of greatness
with your arm around fate
I was taught a lesson
that I'm really not different
just one of the masses
consoling one another
with their empathy
and the same story told by
a different mouth
no great love for me, no
that must have been a pipe dream
a girlish idealism instilled by
Disney
"oh silly girl" you told me
accept it
you're no different
I don't love you
and we will never sit on that hill
to watch the sunset
I know now
that I am the same
my mom lied
I am not special
then why can I not accept?
why do I still want you sitting with me
on that hill?
Is my resilliance not that special?
Monday, August 30, 2010
When I die
I do not want a funeral
I do not want people to be sad
I know everyone says this, but in reality people crave the attention
they find solace in knowing that at the end of their days even those who barely knew them will cry crocodile tears of sadness
I don't want that (I know simply using the word want is slightly hypocritical in the idea of this post, but alas, when people die, I suppose they should be granted a desire at least once, and thusly I can want what I want)
I don't want people to memorialize me at all
it is not as if I was some great contributor to the world
and it would be ironic if I was 'remembered' considering I do not have a large sum of 'true' friends (aka, people who I can't imagine doing without)
most people I know I don't even talk to on a daily or consistant basis
there is no reason for them to even know I have passed since it makes relatively no difference to them anyways
and I don't want my friends (or close family) to grieve for a few reasons:
1) Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't care for life anyway
now, i'm not suicidal (how cowardly and weak), but life is constant pain
Even when I find joy it is tainted by some greater overshadowing sorrow
and I don't even have an awful life!
I can only imagine those in the world that do, how awful they must feel
and I care about them, I wish it wasn't soo awful
I cry for them, as well as selfishly crying for myself
life is a painful consciouness without any real answers or outlines
it is a constant joke on yourself that has no punch line but continues on mercifully and pitifully until you finally die
I simply do not even care about the afterlife, whatever may come, it is irrelevant because put simply this life is not 'heaven' in any sense or is it worth truly being frightened to lose
now, life is a beautiful thing in its fragility
objecitively it is a miracle to be treasured
however, when you have it, pain or ignorance are the only legitimate experiences when you are it, you simply want out anyway
or at least, this is how I feel
so, there is no reason to feel bad for me
I will not go gently into that good night, and once I do, I will be at peace and i won't have to suffer anymore
at least no more suffering in this existance
2)although I feel this way, I am well aware that those I care about do not
They all value life in one way or another, and are not as weak and hopeless as I am when it comes to dealing with life itself
so, by my death I would feel bad to hamper their form of happiness that i was never able to find
Why should i steal that from them just because my miserable journey has ceased?
the last thing I want to do upon my death is be so calously selfish
so don't be sad
you know I'm not
hold on for dear life yo that happiness you've found, I don't want you to grieve
I was never able to attain that joy, and I am envious of it
i love you all, and I would do anything for you to help you keep your happiness
do not grieve for me
3)this reason is more principled if anything
People die lonely all the time. without family or friends by their side. And yet, no one cries for them. They could be a good admirable person, but people forget their name, and leave them to a lonely funeral. So, I do not understand the selfish nature of our society to mourn some people but not others. how selfish. Are only certain lives worth valuing? The irony is some dead souls who are evil, who do not deserve any respect are mourned more often than some other pure individuals. this is not acceptable, and as a result I implore you not to grieve over me. it is silly. if other people die, and you are not sad, there is no reason you should be sad that I die. death happens to everyone, it's nothing special. nothing worth crying over. especially for me.
so please, have me cremated and dispose of me hence forth when I die. do not extend it out anymore than necessary. I love you all (you know who you are). give my things to charity. and then go out and have a good time. :)
I do not want people to be sad
I know everyone says this, but in reality people crave the attention
they find solace in knowing that at the end of their days even those who barely knew them will cry crocodile tears of sadness
I don't want that (I know simply using the word want is slightly hypocritical in the idea of this post, but alas, when people die, I suppose they should be granted a desire at least once, and thusly I can want what I want)
I don't want people to memorialize me at all
it is not as if I was some great contributor to the world
and it would be ironic if I was 'remembered' considering I do not have a large sum of 'true' friends (aka, people who I can't imagine doing without)
most people I know I don't even talk to on a daily or consistant basis
there is no reason for them to even know I have passed since it makes relatively no difference to them anyways
and I don't want my friends (or close family) to grieve for a few reasons:
1) Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't care for life anyway
now, i'm not suicidal (how cowardly and weak), but life is constant pain
Even when I find joy it is tainted by some greater overshadowing sorrow
and I don't even have an awful life!
I can only imagine those in the world that do, how awful they must feel
and I care about them, I wish it wasn't soo awful
I cry for them, as well as selfishly crying for myself
life is a painful consciouness without any real answers or outlines
it is a constant joke on yourself that has no punch line but continues on mercifully and pitifully until you finally die
I simply do not even care about the afterlife, whatever may come, it is irrelevant because put simply this life is not 'heaven' in any sense or is it worth truly being frightened to lose
now, life is a beautiful thing in its fragility
objecitively it is a miracle to be treasured
however, when you have it, pain or ignorance are the only legitimate experiences when you are it, you simply want out anyway
or at least, this is how I feel
so, there is no reason to feel bad for me
I will not go gently into that good night, and once I do, I will be at peace and i won't have to suffer anymore
at least no more suffering in this existance
2)although I feel this way, I am well aware that those I care about do not
They all value life in one way or another, and are not as weak and hopeless as I am when it comes to dealing with life itself
so, by my death I would feel bad to hamper their form of happiness that i was never able to find
Why should i steal that from them just because my miserable journey has ceased?
the last thing I want to do upon my death is be so calously selfish
so don't be sad
you know I'm not
hold on for dear life yo that happiness you've found, I don't want you to grieve
I was never able to attain that joy, and I am envious of it
i love you all, and I would do anything for you to help you keep your happiness
do not grieve for me
3)this reason is more principled if anything
People die lonely all the time. without family or friends by their side. And yet, no one cries for them. They could be a good admirable person, but people forget their name, and leave them to a lonely funeral. So, I do not understand the selfish nature of our society to mourn some people but not others. how selfish. Are only certain lives worth valuing? The irony is some dead souls who are evil, who do not deserve any respect are mourned more often than some other pure individuals. this is not acceptable, and as a result I implore you not to grieve over me. it is silly. if other people die, and you are not sad, there is no reason you should be sad that I die. death happens to everyone, it's nothing special. nothing worth crying over. especially for me.
so please, have me cremated and dispose of me hence forth when I die. do not extend it out anymore than necessary. I love you all (you know who you are). give my things to charity. and then go out and have a good time. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)