When I die

I do not want a funeral
I do not want people to be sad
I know everyone says this, but in reality people crave the attention
they find solace in knowing that at the end of their days even those who barely knew them will cry crocodile tears of sadness
I don't want that (I know simply using the word want is slightly hypocritical in the idea of this post, but alas, when people die, I suppose they should be granted a desire at least once, and thusly I can want what I want)
I don't want people to memorialize me at all
it is not as if I was some great contributor to the world
and it would be ironic if I was 'remembered' considering I do not have a large sum of 'true' friends (aka, people who I can't imagine doing without)
most people I know I don't even talk to on a daily or consistant basis
there is no reason for them to even know I have passed since it makes relatively no difference to them anyways
and I don't want my friends (or close family) to grieve for a few reasons:

1) Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't care for life anyway
now, i'm not suicidal (how cowardly and weak), but life is constant pain
Even when I find joy it is tainted by some greater overshadowing sorrow
and I don't even have an awful life!
I can only imagine those in the world that do, how awful they must feel
and I care about them, I wish it wasn't soo awful
I cry for them, as well as selfishly crying for myself
life is a painful consciouness without any real answers or outlines
it is a constant joke on yourself that has no punch line but continues on mercifully and pitifully until you finally die
I simply do not even care about the afterlife, whatever may come, it is irrelevant because put simply this life is not 'heaven' in any sense or is it worth truly being frightened to lose
now, life is a beautiful thing in its fragility
objecitively it is a miracle to be treasured
however, when you have it, pain or ignorance are the only legitimate experiences when you are it, you simply want out anyway
or at least, this is how I feel
so, there is no reason to feel bad for me
I will not go gently into that good night, and once I do, I will be at peace and i won't have to suffer anymore
at least no more suffering in this existance

2)although I feel this way, I am well aware that those I care about do not
They all value life in one way or another, and are not as weak and hopeless as I am when it comes to dealing with life itself
so, by my death I would feel bad to hamper their form of happiness that i was never able to find
Why should i steal that from them just because my miserable journey has ceased?
the last thing I want to do upon my death is be so calously selfish
so don't be sad
you know I'm not
hold on for dear life yo that happiness you've found, I don't want you to grieve
I was never able to attain that joy, and I am envious of it
i love you all, and I would do anything for you to help you keep your happiness
do not grieve for me

3)this reason is more principled if anything
People die lonely all the time. without family or friends by their side. And yet, no one cries for them. They could be a good admirable person, but people forget their name, and leave them to a lonely funeral. So, I do not understand the selfish nature of our society to mourn some people but not others. how selfish. Are only certain lives worth valuing? The irony is some dead souls who are evil, who do not deserve any respect are mourned more often than some other pure individuals. this is not acceptable, and as a result I implore you not to grieve over me. it is silly. if other people die, and you are not sad, there is no reason you should be sad that I die. death happens to everyone, it's nothing special. nothing worth crying over. especially for me.

so please, have me cremated and dispose of me hence forth when I die. do not extend it out anymore than necessary. I love you all (you know who you are). give my things to charity. and then go out and have a good time. :)